nothing's gonna be the same

study study study.
work work work.
tired tired tired.

gotten back all my exam results. first 3 modules- A (good). but the last paper- D (-___-").
aiseh, AD. NOT!

super sad. but it was kind of expected. I even had the mentality that I'll flunk it. so I guess a D is good enough.

********************************************
bro said this to me that left me so so so touched!

(was cooking instant noodle, and was trying to soak the pre-cooked noodle in the hot water)
bro: xuan, what are you doing?
ME: removing the wax.
bro: what for? not like you always eat them.
ME: but when i work OT i always eat cup noodles.
bro: why!?
ME: cuz OT means I need to eat 2 meals. no money to eat so have to eat cup noodles.
bro: aiyo~ silly! no money to eat can ask from me ma.
ME: i always seldom see u at home de.
bro: can call me and say u OT then i will give u money to eat la.
ME: oh.
bro: next time got OT must tell kor kor ok? always eat cup noodles not good leh, silly girl.

OMGoodness! :D
touchedtouchedtouchedtouchedtouched
*watery-eyed*
seriously i almost burst into tears. (:

*****************************************
went for work. my colleagues can make me laugh non-stop lor!
wahahaha.
especially kiwi and sabway. LOL.
full of jokes when they're around. hahaha.

*****************************************
had lunch with ah shu and darling after school on friday(27 jun 08).

went IMM after that.
(:
*happy*
i bought hello kitty chopsticks w/ box.

****************************************
i have so much to say. but i found myself stucked with my words.
I promise never to mention your name again.
I promise never to make myself unhappy.
I promise I'll treat myself better.
I promise and will do it.

gtg. cya~

satisfy my taste bud please. (:

Have a sudden urge to eat a lot of junks.!!

Like, Onigiri (although I ate one yesterday), Pasta, Pomfret, Shabu-shabu, loot-loot, pizza, banana-boat, waffles, fishballs, strawberries, raw carrot juice, corn flakes, etc. too many to list out.

:)

after talking to Ange, YC, Marvin n Juejue, I felt better now.
there are some things that I could never take under control of, like how human thinks and how they behave, their feelings and all.

I hope people do care even if they never say it out. (:

***********************************************

World Issues is killing me.
*sigh*
guess I got to keep on going. hopefully this time round we don't let smoke comes out from her ears! (like what she said)

gtg now~

心里的雨倾盆而下
也沾不湿她的发
本应该明信片上的牵挂
那伤心原来没有时差

心里的雨倾盆而下
却始终淋不到她
寒风经过院子里的枝芽
也冷却了我手中的鲜花

i found out too late?

我已经渐渐习惯　忙碌把生活填满　
和自己分享晚餐　式着活得更理所当然　
我已经渐渐习惯　对感情順其自然　
只是我还不明白　失去你的天空　
为何看来不那么蔚蓝

all i know is i can never believe anyone's words.
now whatever you all says seems fake to me.
nothing will make up for it.

i hate myself for being emotional, and i hate myself for crying myself to bed every night.
i'm sick n tired.
if i have no temper who would I be?
i can never only be a fair-weather friend.
i can never use words to cheer u up.
i will never find answers to the problem that has been revolving around me all these years.

and why do i build up walls? just because I think everyone carries spikes.
because no one cares when i needed them.

it's only when i post my grief here will u all start to notice.
but can't u all be more sensitive?
so don't ask why.

schoooool tomorrow yeah~

And I'm here...

(:
Happy as I can head back to school tomorrow. *yayness*
having to know its the 2nd part of my last semester in NgeeAnn sadness overwhelms me. well, I love schoool~
SCHOOL is like a goal in life, to me.
NO SCHOOL == NO GOAL in life.

I will and hope I can continue schooling forever!!
well I know its not possible.

******************************************

and on a very angry note.
I so so so hate hate hate hate today's 960 and the driver!
I waited 35minutes just for it to arrive!
really feel like kicking and slapping the uncle!
and I am so late for work.
uncle is driving even slower than a snail could slide.
normally it would take a journey from bukit panjang to bugis say about 30minutes.
that uncle drove for 40minutes. goodness!
*angry angry*
he still can stop at the bus stop to ask the passengers to move to the rear. *time wasting*
if not for him, would people waiting for 960 be late for work?
arghh!!

******************************************

I will miss JOkiwi. (:
she helped me punched card today and bought me breakfast!
lovess!

worked half day today and went shopping with mummy and darling.
happy to see my hellokitty stuffs. mummy was complaining saying i'm wasting money on buying all those stuffs. ):
mummy is very fierce today. *sigh*

and we went lots of places today. but all around chinatown. (:
sight-seeing only. we only bought daily neccessities.
not wasting any money. YAY!

**************************************

i'm still happy for tomorrow!
lalala

**************************************

kiwi: aiyo,
miss me so ah? miss till a big red pimple on ur face!
ME: yeah yeah. (sarcastically)
kiwi: (talking to JN) she even sms me ask why i nv come for work. never
come means off day la. like tt also dunno. haiyo.
JN: Jiaxuan, then its ur fault le. haiz.
ME: (speechless). ya, all my fault eh. herr!

**************************************

the end.

as time passes

happy me!
I finally got my NAME TAG after working 9months in NBC! YAY!!
all along i've been carrying the 'trainee' name tag. now i have 1 with my name 'Jia Xuan' on it!
(:

worked till 6.30pm today. mummy and darling came down to accompany for dinner! (:
shopped around OG and found nothing.
but we bought salty raisins and chocolates!
and come to think of chocolates, I miss Meiji factory! ):

I miss xing, nic, fiza, ting n eliz! when's another gathering?
I miss Cheryl, Cheryl Hong too. (sorry that I can't meet u on saturday, working)
I miss going out with Deb too. (sorry that I can't meet u on friday)

school's around the corner. (:
but assignments are due soon too.
hopefully everything's gonna be fine.
but I know some things are just not going to be fine.

P/s. the scar will always be there.

i will and hope i'm given a chance to.

mood: happy as well as sad. (all mixed up)
I'm wondering why am I being so faithful to my blog.

I will from this very moment stop treating myself so terribly and move on~
I will never shed a tear for any guy in this world for this lifetime, the next and the next next.
I will never do anything as stupid as what I have done.

on a happier note:
although Sentosa trip was cancelled, we went town instead. funfunfun. (:
last week of holiday. can get back school and be with them again. YAY!

(:
bro's quite high yesterday evening, he wanted to take pictures so he dragged us to wear sunnies and pose for different expressions. (super funny).

bro: come ah, take photos with me leh u 2! (refering to my sis n I)
US: sure.
bro: take ur sunnies with u. come 1, 2, 3, pose!
US: (smiles)
bro: act fierce, act cool whatever. nice one ah. faster!
US: how la... haiyer.
bro: like that la, so easy.

well this goes on for like 30minutes?

Bro: u better don't go post in your blog ah I tell u.
ME: y?
Bro: wah lau, later let others see my fit body for what. later they stalk
me home leh.
ME: er xin la! (means: don't let me vomit please)

but indeed bro is super fit and tanned now. oohh~ he said his muscles are not big enough. oversized sometimes over does the effect lor.

whatever!

gtg now!
bye people.

badbadbad

ME: hey kiwi i know who u were saying. the boy who work in design ur own
tshirt. i saw him yesterday. :P
(i went back to work after sending that sms.)
JO-armani: who i said? peppermint, u don anyhow say hor... dreaming ah
u?

ME: good evening NBC
JO-armani: u jiaxuan ah.
ME: ya.
JO-armani: ni zai jiang shui?! sui bian jiang ah. (who u refering? anyhow
say ah?)
ME: there, the 1 working in Bugis de lor. css de. wear specs. indonesian
chinese.
JO-armani: orh! u know already ah. ok, CHEY! wu liao.
ME: -__-"

she's the 1 who tell me to go see him. now she says I have nothing better to
do? (what?!!) too bad kiwi (Jo-armani) not working today. eek. she is super
cute can?!

another incident:

(ring ring)
ME: hello?
Jo-armani: i'm calling from NTUC...
ME: what? joanne don't play la I know its u.
Jo-armani: wha lao. not fun de. how u know?
ME: i can see you from the camera la. haha. somemore is NBC number leh.
Jo-armani: chey, waste my time. i tot u not here yet ma.
ME: NTUC some more.
Jo-armani: HAHAHA.

gonna see her on thurs then! (:

and...
SENTOSA tomorrow!
bad Seika. ps us. grrr... back out eh. boo!

nothing funny happen today.

school tmr. assignment. bad jiaxuan.

i think through a lot yesterday night. i even cried myself to sleep after that.
ah shu ask me whether to give up or not.
although I know 101% he don't like me, still, clinging on him gives me hope. what can I do to prevent myself from falling deep again?

lots of ifs ran through my mind.
if i am another person, will u choose me?
if i change the way i want to get close to u, will u be friends with me?
if i am born prettier, will u start to notice me?
if i am born another girl, will i still meet u?
if my attitude doesn't sucked that much, will u change ur attitude towards me?
if i don't like u, will i be suffering?

if if if... or even so, if i am not even born, where'd I be then? where'd u be?

everybody's mad at jiaxuan!
):
all I know is to make people mad at me. darling's mad, mummy's mad.
as bad as it sounds, they'll forgive me.
but how can i prevent myself from committing the same thing again?

if there's 1 sense i can remove, i'd choose to remove my sense of feeling. so i can feel nothing. like a numb human.

我就是这样 天马行空的磁场
或许你还不习惯 我在等你变成拍档
我就是这样 注定和你不一样
谢谢你欣不欣赏 我的风格是限量

i have funny collegues!

HOHOHO!

something funny. I reached office at 9.45am (when I start work at 10.30am). I walked in, eerily quiet. checked schedule and I freaked out, I'm suppose to work 1-10pm!!!?? panic panic. then should I go home? or stay?

I decided to lock up the door and went off. then I double checked my own schedule, eh?! "Early", it said. so I unlock the door again and went in, to double check. CHEY!!!! really, I see wrongly. ):

made me look like an idiot.
told kiwi and she laughed non-stop. jn was speechless. HA-HA!

kiwi: u ah, mei da mei xiao (no respect for elders)
ME: =x
kiwi: u working tomorrow?
ME: yeah
kiwi: yay! i love peppermint!
ME: i love kiwi!
BOTH: HAHAHAHA.

kiwi said I'm peppermint.
she told me to go eat peppermint ice-cream at marine parade.
so far eh.

winniethepooh: he jia xuan! u should buy that lucky cat.
ME: which one?
winniethepooh: the pink 1 la.
ME: y?
winniethepooh: u need it very much
ME: huh?
winniethepooh: symbolise love. u really need romance.
ME: -___-"
winniethepooh: i intro u boys la?
ME: don't want, unrealistic.
winniethepooh: better than that school mate of yours. act only.
ME: -___-", but i think he is handsome lor.
winniethepooh: so ugly. next time find a handsome 1 show it to him. don't need to be sad over this kind of people. not worth.
ME: OK! (:
winniethepooh: don't cry ah!

JN n winniethepooh was chatting about something so i overheard it and asked, "what u all talking about?"
JN: wrapy ur present! ask so much!
ME: ...
JN: haha, kena scolded anyhow hor?
ME: haha

YAY!!! Sentosa is still ON!
lalala~
steamboat at night, maybe?

(:
kiwi not working tmr, sian.
no entertainer.

but subway is working tmr!
(:
OT tmr, damn.

nights~

more time for me please!

):

just received sms from jue jue that we'll be going out on wednesday.
another side receive news I had to go back school for UTM assignment, on WED too!!!
*angry*

how come!?
aren't there any way for me to kill 2 birds with 1 stone?
):

more time more time!!
assignments due, packed working schedule. i'm dead. totally dead.

not happy anymore.
):

p/s. received juejue sms telling me something about him. should I be happy or sad? paranoid.

tagged.

before I start, I miss Seika. Seika Fujihara. (:
is she back in sg yet?

START:

01. What do you want most now?
myself leaving this hectic world.

02. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
Japan's Puroland.

03. What's your favorite thing to do?
daydreaming

04. Do you think money can buy happiness?
YES, definitely. but not LOVE.

05. If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
world vanishes (so no one will ever feel the pain anymore)

06. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Definitely NO.

07. What are you afraid to lose the most?
every single member of HOrlick family. (not anyone less)

08. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
put in bank to accumulate another 1 million.

09. What do you dream of doing in the future?
being with my beloved and stay happy forever (like that day will ever come)

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?
JUEYING. #1, she my jue jue. #2, she's funny and nice. #3, she's special as she is. (:

11. What makes you happy?
crying myself out

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
somebody who has a face like LWJ, and the height of A.Koh, and the attitude of my mummy (cuz i'm jealous of them to have that kind of features and personality)

13. Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?
stucked in sg, slogging my life away~ (i'm so poor now, what do I expect?)

14. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
turn every single soul to be as happy as possible (no worries at all)

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
unconditional L-O-V-E (definitely not BGR, I don't believe BGR has it)

16. Any childhood memories you'll like to re-live?
holding my daddy and mummy hands while running across the mega field stepping on those mimosa plants! (but they could not run like they used to anymore)

17. If you have a chance to change your life now, what would you want to change?
the very moment I was born. I believe if I'm born a second later I'll be different.

18. The love of your life now?
myself

19. Are you courageous enough to go and tell the person that you like he/she?
yeah, of course. only if I'm really in love with him. (i did that, once)

20. Who's on your mind right now?
mr LWJ! (well, he's cute)

Instructions:
Remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 10 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. Jia Lin darling
2. Jueying
3. LiJie
4. Nicole
5. WanTing
6. RuiXing
7. Debbie
8. Seika
9. Cheryl
10. Ken Koh (he tagged me last time so its time for revenge)

FINISHED! (:

P/s. very satisfied with my answers. (:

PPP lesson today~ 3 times mr an!

sudden misses: joanne xiaomei. (she kind of vanishes after she quitted her job)

finally an OFF day for me~
went for PPP lesson today. 9am. (:
poor eliz she thought lesson starts at 1pm, so when I sms-ed her, she got a shocked. and cab down to school. steep cab fare!

(:
super happy today!

eliz's bf joined us for lunch today.

helped with xing's project. and was having a really big headache. ):

he left so early. he always used his friend to help him sign out. herr!
he was a show off today. (god knows why~)
anyway, Daddy fetch me back home and I was too tired to think so dozed off.

when i woke its already 8pm. (ha-ha-ha)
pizzas & waffles for dinner!

P/s. more OTs to come. and I have no time for assignments. ):

things couldn't be undone like a nailed fence will always have its scar. (edited)

am very glad that exams are over and holidays starts tomorrow.
at least I can use the time to get over something that hurt me today.

maybe you'll say I'm petty, but still I thought (at least until today) i'm closer to you all than they are. but i guess i'm wrong. *shrugs*

I guess I'll be fine when school re-opens.

JIA XUAN IS FINE NOW! THANKS everyone~ (:

conclusion: PWA n IGP == bad!

my tears didn't choose their date, but they dropped today.

P/s. no mood to reply tags. sorry. some other days maybe tags replied!(:

(: BC == OK!

decided to blog.
(:

BC was so OK today! ((:
but the place was eerily cold~

sayang to wei wei. she broke down today, and I didn't know what to do. =X. (i know i'm a bad friend). I guess she's just too stress up. cheer up wei wei! I still love you~ :D

after paper, went IHP room. uh-oh, no Mr. An. (actually i didn't went there to see him, i went to help xing, but couldn't help much. -__-" )
I really love my friends la. just like even though we still see each other, it's still not enough. can't be in the same class as them, makes life quite bad. -_-.

but next time when we will all meet will be during graduation! ): how sad. nostalgia strucked!
class outing please!

lalala...
when we walk to the bus stop. spotted Mr. An, crossing the zebra crossing. happy as he wore the same color as me. hohoho...
but he is still as dao as before. ):
how can I get to know him, but not portraying the wrong idea. I wonder...

well, went to KAIKAI gift today! bought another exact same hello kitty mirror. (:
so I can use the old 1 now! yeah!

(:

gtg. cya!

P/s. last paper, jia you people~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XING!

grow up grow up...

had my PIP practical test today. (:
and I'm very glad, I know how to do. *YAY*

thanks joseph for his "tips". (:
somehow the question i got, are the codes i ask from him the night before. memorise and I knew how to do. lalala...

was looking back from my archives. and I think I sound really stupid. =x
haha, I mean the language and content. makes me laugh. (laughing at my old self).

I'm super happy today. not to say I know how to do my paper. But I saw LWJ today. (:
and he loves watermelon juice. HA-HA-HA!

thanks wei wei for being the messenger yeah! she sms-ed me telling me she spotted him at canteen3. (: *love love*

well, little things he does will make me happy.

最爱还是你 这是我的决定
像宇宙相对的星互相吸引 慢慢就会靠近
还是要爱你 时间会证明 我爱你的勇气
牵着你的手 才知道是永久

(:
gtg. start on my PWA.
p/s. and that seika, u better tell me who is that ah!