i found out too late?

我已经渐渐习惯　忙碌把生活填满　
和自己分享晚餐　式着活得更理所当然　
我已经渐渐习惯　对感情順其自然　
只是我还不明白　失去你的天空　
为何看来不那么蔚蓝

all i know is i can never believe anyone's words.
now whatever you all says seems fake to me.
nothing will make up for it.

i hate myself for being emotional, and i hate myself for crying myself to bed every night.
i'm sick n tired.
if i have no temper who would I be?
i can never only be a fair-weather friend.
i can never use words to cheer u up.
i will never find answers to the problem that has been revolving around me all these years.

and why do i build up walls? just because I think everyone carries spikes.
because no one cares when i needed them.

it's only when i post my grief here will u all start to notice.
but can't u all be more sensitive?
so don't ask why.